It’s the first day of school here today & so I thought it’s the perfect day for my first post on this blog too!
This year we have a 6th grader, a 3rd grader & a kindergartener! The only year that all 3 of them will be at the same school. I am having all the feels today! Happy (they got great teachers & some friends in their classes), sad (my baby is going to be in school every day now), excited (to see all they learn & do this year…& for a little mom time each day), nervous (about the adjustment of getting back into the school & homework routine) & relieved (that we pulled everything together & were ready for the first day)!
We had a great summer! Since I was sick most of last summer I really wanted to make up for it this year! One of the hardest parts of being sick when you are a mom is the incredible guilt you feel. At least I had incredible guilt. And I know that being sick was out of my control & that it wasn’t my fault. I know that I really shouldn’t feel any mom guilt.
But I did.
I felt bad for feeling too sick to go to all of their activities or events. I felt bad for not being able to do things for them. I felt bad that we didn’t get to have our usual summer fun. I felt bad that some days I pretty much slept all day. That some days I couldn’t get off of the couch. That they had to see me so weak. That I made them so worried when I was in so much pain that all I could do was cry. I hate that so much time had to be spent away from them at various doctor visits or test appointments. And my girls still had a fun summer last year. My hubby is pretty amazing & basically took over around here. I will never doubt how much he loves me to go through this with me & to take such good care of me & our girls. We had a slew of people who came to our rescue & took care of our family too. I am forever grateful for those who invited my girls to hang out with them or to go places with them. I am so thankful for those who remembered our sweet girls & reached out to them or brought them little treats just for them. It really meant a lot to see them taken care of while I was down & out. But still, the guilt.
That it wasn’t me doing these things for my family.
I finished chemo the week of Thanksgiving last year. I spent the next 6 months while the girls were still in school healing & recovering. Even though I still have my issues, I am happy to say I am doing so much better now. And when school got out in June, I was ready to party! We took a couple of trips, did lots of swimming & made some great memories.
These are a few of my favorite pics from summer:
We had so much fun that I was sad to see summer coming to an end.
Well, until last week that is. For some reason, last week got crazy around here. And when I say crazy, I mean the people got crazy. All of my girls started fighting. All day, every day. They were bored, they were annoying each other, they were taking each other’s things, they were pushing, kicking, hitting, they were looking at each other wrong. Please tell me I’m not the only one that this happened to? Then I got crazy. I was tired. I got annoyed with all the fighting. I was sick of playing referee. I had no patience left. So I have to honestly say that I really started to look forward to them going back to school. And then I felt guilty for feeling that way. Sigh. Does the mom guilt ever end? I’m working on it. Just like I’m working on a lot of things in this new life after cancer.
So cheers to firsts! A new school year! A new blog! It’s still a work in progress & I am just starting out but I hope it will be good for me & for my mental, emotional & spiritual healing. Stay tuned for more soon. In the meantime, if you would like to learn more about me & my journey with cancer click here.